I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
