Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
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