I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Alive.
So much puke
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize