I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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