Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
