you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
