there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
