I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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