Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
