I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize