no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
