At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Drunk walkin through police station. America
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
