There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
