so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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