Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
