spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
