the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Randomize
