Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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