An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
