I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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