I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
