Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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