i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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