Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize