My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
