i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
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