I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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