pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
You're like the curious george of whores
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
