Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
