i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
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