OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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