I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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