New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
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