So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
