4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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