I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize