We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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