My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Randomize
