He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
