so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
