Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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