bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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