you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
