what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize