Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
