Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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