No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Randomize
