Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize