I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
