Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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