Sponge bath it is.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
