i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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