1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
