did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
