Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
