we're blogging at a bar
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
