next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
