$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
worst night to have a conscience
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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