I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
