she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize