well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
