you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
