I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
