Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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