Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
