just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
it hurts more in the daytime
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
