we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
