You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
