If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
