we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
