I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
