I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
