Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
