I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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