Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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