i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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