The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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