Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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